By Keith Miller
Back in 2008, I was so caught up in the Beijing Olympics that I made a solemn vow to myself. Well, not only myself, but a handful of others whilst on air during another award winning episode* of Kiwi FM’s (RIP) dearly departed State of Play (another RIP).
The vow was that when London 2012 turned up, I would take two weeks leave and dedicate myself to couch potato immortality. Sadly, that plan fell through when I clean forgot to book the aforementioned leave.
Nevermind. It may be eight years in the making, but for Rio 2016, it’s all on baby! The leave’s booked, the beer will be in the fridge, there will be new batteries in the remote control and the schedule will soon be on the coffee table.
It may be a sad indictment on my social life, sure. But scoff all you like. During the first half of August, while the nation will be drooling around with matchsticks in their eyes at work come mid-afternoon, I’ll be taking a nap on the couch and preparing myself for another big day in front of the 60 inch TV. Hah! Who’s the real Olympian now?
Now, I’m not all about sticking it up everyone to make myself feel better. Sure, it’s fun, but I’m feeling a little more philanthropic than that. That’s why I’m pleased to announce that during the Olympics, I’ll be your go-to guy. Anything you care to know about the Olympics will be published here on Sportsfreak on a daily basis (twice daily if I can keep awake). Except Synchronised Swimming, Table Tennis and Dressage. You can stick those fair up your clacker – I said I was feeling philanthropic, not mentally unstable.
“Diary of an Olympian (Watcher)” will be on hand to see all the big moments while you were sleeping, possibly while at work. Want to know exactly how the hammer throw went overnight? Check. Want to know if Mexico’s World #10 Aída Nabila Román Arroyo (right) can go one step further and win the Women’s Gold in the archery? You got it. Want to know who wins the gold in the Judo? Actually, you’re on your own with that one. Sorry.
Before we start though, let’s get the stock-standard Olympic commentary out of the way:-
- Yes, I know there will be a myriad of drugs cheats on display
- No, it won’t tarnish my viewing experience (I don’t like it, but I have learnt to accept it as a given and move on – unfortunately)
- Yes, I expect scantily clad women to make an appearance at the Opening Ceremony
- No, that won’t tarnish my viewing experience either
- Yes, I expect plenty of hand wringing over whether all venues are completed on time, before it all invariably comes together minutes before kick off
- No, I don’t think the Zika virus will be a factor (unless an athlete requires a convenient excuse to not be there at all – I’m looking at you Rory)
- Yes, of course the tickets will be overpriced unless you’re an IOC official on yet another junket
- No, I don’t expect Sepp Blatter to make a surprise guest appearance – nobody at the IOC wants to be outdone in the dodgy finance department
Look out for previews of all the events in the lead-up to the games. It goes without saying that there will be some fantastic viewing to be had. I’ll give you some pointers as to what to watch (i.e. volleyball), and what to avoid (i.e. beach volleyball). Soon I’ll give you a rundown on my picks as to where to best spend your disappointingly limited time in front of the TV. Well, in your case anyway. I’ll be sweet.
Join me here on each day of the Olympics.
In what was a major surprise to both listeners, State of Play didn’t actually win any awards.