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Hi all. I am coming to you from my bunker at the end of another triumphant campaign. Well what a dramatic battle that was; a campaign that saw us come so close to the greatest prize of World Domination. But for one courageous knock by the Sri Lankan leader, I have no doubt we would have claimed the ultimate prize. All throughout this battle we gave them real lessons. We gave the likes of Canada, Kenya and Ireland lessons in what it’s like to be professional cricketers. We gave Bangladesh a lesson that we are not those surrender-bunny, semi-final chokers South Africa. Oh no. We even rubbed their noses in it by orchestrating a century to our captain, before he threw the towel in. And in our game against those famous semi-final chokers South Africa we showed them the value of winning the toss. We had all aspects of our strategy covered. I was very happy with my tactics throughout the campaign; in fact we constantly improved on them. By sending out the cannon-fodder against Australia in the pool game, I knew we were going to be able to ambush them in the final. This was once again pure genius; the old enemy was certainly ripe for the plucking. If only that Sri Lankan general hadn’t ambushed us so cruelly.
I am disappointed in the way the captain has decided to retire from battle. A true leader and a true fighter sticks with the battle, which is a long way from being over. Sadly, Stephen seemed to have forgotten that; I wish him well selling houses. But my troops are made of stronger stuff than that. I am also confident I have that backing of the new regime back home. Although my close friend Snedds is no longer in charge (and keeps on failing to return my calls) I have no doubt his replacement, Dr. Vegan, is a good man, and having been coached by me 15 years ago must be in awe of what we achieved in the 1980s. I hear he had dinner with Wrighty a few days back; and I’m sure that Shake will have delivered the message that I know what is needed to win the battle. So we move on, more united than ever, in this long battle. In fact my planning for the World Cups in 2011 and 2015 is showing massive signs of positives. Be assured. New Zealand cricket is safe, protected, and in very good hands.
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