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2 fringe test match players looking to cement a starting spot are arrested for Alcohol related incidents on a weekend between important test matches. All Blacks sides are named with numerous players bracketed due to injury. An All Black lock has a haircut that looks like a finalist entry at a Vidal Sasson hairdressing convention. We substitute an openside flyer with a 125kg behemoth with 30 minutes to go in a tight test match. Players are smiling when they walk off the field following a test match loss. The injured skipper is spotted in the grandstand of a test match texting and chatting with his celebrity girlfriend when he should have been running messages/water bottles to the players or in the changing shed encouraging his team mates. A 3 man All Black coaching ‘team’ are completely out-thought tactically by one bloke.
Our best player (by a mile) owns a chain of men’s fashion stores. You’ve never heard of a potential All Black (Hikiwera Elliot, Taniella Moa anyone) ? A player isn’t considered for selection in a vital Bledisloe Cup game because he is ‘battered and bruised’ what is he - a piece of fish ? Guys purposefully stand in the rear of the haka because they don’t know how to do it properly (that’s the real reason Kapa O Pango hasnt been brought out this year). We have to fake players bleeding to stay in a game – they should be bleeding before they come off in the first place.
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