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Over the Silly Season while the world was sleeping, Lance Free's expose was taken down by Green and Gold Rugby for being a bit ... too topical? Never mind, here it is in all its glory. Encouraged by Welshman Gareth Thomas' recent announcement, the entire Wallabies backline have come out and admitted that they are gay. At a joint Press Conference Luke Burgess, Matt Giteau, Quade Cooper, James O'Connor, Lachie Turner, Drew Mitchell and Adam Ashley-Cooper said that they couldn't deceive their teammates or the public any more. The statement said that they were unable to look their teammates in the eye in the change rooms or in the showers after the game and decided to come out in the interests of transparency and the team
The spokesperson for the group, Matt Giteau, said it was no accident that they play the game 'flamboyantly with a theatrical bent'. "I know we've been playing like a bunch of old queens but there's only some things I'm prepared to expose my hair to. It's no secret that James and Drew have virtually eradicated my split ends". James O'Connor said bubblingly "I can't wait to tell John Mitchell about my conversion". When asked about his sharp haircut and matching cerise earrings Quade Cooper said "Like, its cool man. I thought it was already public knowledge, I am after all from New Zealand". Adam Ashley-Cooper said "I know my name virtually gives it away, but the kissing and hugging when we score is very well received". This shock news had been suspected for a long time within world rugby circles, but had been hidden from the general public (to some extent). There were suspicions that a few years ago a number of Wallaby front row forwards were 'pansies', but this was never confirmed. It was a shock anyway to hear how extensive this 'persuasion' had permeated the team. The ARU Chief Executive, Mr John O'Neill, said that he was shocked by this announcement but the players all sort of had his support. He said "A Wallaby is an ambassador for the game however temporarily they are likely to .....umm..... however long they hold that prestigious position for". He said that he suspected something was awry when the complete backline went missing against Scotland recently but were later found that night at the Hot & Throbbin' Niteclub in Edinburgh. He also said "That now explains the pallet of hair gel and satin sheets that the Wallabies management had requested to be sent over during the Spring Tour". When asked to comment on this sensitive revelation, former Wallaby Sam Scott Young said "I'd rather lick a toilet bowl than play against this bunch of pooftahs". Noted psychologist Alannah Jones said "I can understand a bunch of Kiwi cricketers bowling from the Paddington end but not big brawny Aussie rugger types". There has been speculation that the Wallaby backline would enter a float in the upcoming Sydney Gay & Lesbian Mardi Gras but this has yet to be confirmed
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