Diary of an Olympian (Watcher) Preview – Part 5 of 5

By Keith Miller

Table Tennis

Admittedly, there are reflexes on offer here that can be quite frankly jawdropping.  But whilst it has its fair share of fans, it’s not the greatest TV sport going around – in some ways, the game is almost played too quickly for it be taken in on screen (yeah, I know – picky, picky).   You can forget all about a running commentary, and the noise will drive you spare.  You don’t need to be Nostradamus to work out that the Chinese will pick up a medal or two in this one – of the 28 previous golds, they’ve snuck 24 of them.

Viewing wise, there are three sessions daily.  The first from around midnight to 3:00am, the second 5:30am to 8:30am, and the last one – which feature medal matches – from around noon to 3:30pm.  One of the friendlier options for the NZ viewer.

Gold Medals on offer:  4

NZ Participation:  No

Taekwondo

The sport didn’t become a medal event until the year 2000, which is roughly the length of the headstart certain parts of Asia had on the rest of the world.  As a result expect the medal count to sway towards the South Koreans and Chinese, making it all a bit predictable.  The single most interesting thing that has happened in Taekwondo at the Olympics was back in 2008, when Cuban Angel Mantos got pissed off in the bronze medal match and kicked the ref in the face.  That’s it.

Four days of competition at the end of the schedule, and the viewing times in NZ are pretty much the same Table Tennis.  Now THERE’S a conflict you’ll need to sort out early….

Gold Medals on offer:  8

NZ Participation:  Yes

Tennis

I’ve never liked the idea of tennis being at the Olympics.  But now I’ve seen the way the male golfers are bullshitting their way out of Rio, at least I have a new found respect for those who are turning up.  Here’s a pub trivia answer for you to fill in time – Chilean Nicolas Massu won his country’s first Olympic gold at Athens in 2004 (actually, he won the second as well when he snared the doubles title as well).   With all due respect, the fields are a little stronger now.

As you can imagine with Tennis, it’s a long day.  The earlier rounds are from 2:00am through to 4:00pm, with the medal days from 3:00hrs to 11:00hrs.  You should able to watch the finals over breakfast.

Gold Medals on offer:  5

NZ Participation:  Yes

Triathlon

Where the viewer is concerned, the course is almost the be all and end all as far as enjoyment goes.  Sydney?  Tick.  Athens? Tick.  London? Tick.  Beijing?  Anyway, corpses aside, you’d think Rio should be a shoo-in in this department – it could be a quite spectacular watch.  Since the event’s introduction in 2000 the medals have been spread around quite nicely, so there’s a certain unpredictably to be had – apart from the fact that Andrea Hewitt will probably finish somewhere between 4^th and 8^th.

Too bad if you want to watch it in New Zealand.  Probably the worst of the events for our viewing pleasure, with both races screening from 2:00am to 4:30am.

Gold Medals on offer:  2

NZ Participation:  Yes

Volleyball

Forget the half-arsed bastardised sand version – here’s a sport that covers off reflexes, timing and strikepower in abundance.  It is high impact, converts very well to TV, and it promises to be a very even competition – the Libero has also added another dimension to tactical play.  It runs from Day 1 to Day 16 (that’s every day), and most games will be that close that you can pick one up at random and almost be guaranteed of a pearler.  Get amongst it – you’ll thank me later.

There’s actually four sessions of volleyball throughout the competition – they run in total from 12:30am to 3.00pm most days.  Good news/bad news for NZ viewers for the medal matches – the women’s final is top viewing at 1pm, but the men’s session there kicks off at 4:00am.

Gold Medals on offer:  2

NZ Participation:  No

Water Polo

The underwater camera coverage in water polo has lent a new dimension to the sport.  Now you can see exactly what is going on underneath the surface, including how hard the athletes are treading water, how high the athletes can propel themselves out of the water in a corkscrew fashion, and exactly how much scrotum grabbing is occurring at any one time (in the men’s games anyway).  Unfortunately, it’s just not that enthralling – especially now that you’re not allowed to use razor blades.

If you want to see if the Hungarians can storm back into contention, it all happens over 9 days in the earlier part of the schedule.  Tune in from 1:00am to midday for the bulk of the competition.

Gold Medals on offer:  2

NZ Participation:  No

Weightlifting

Yes, there’s an odds on chance that a few competitors will be chucked out during (or after) the competition as a result of drugs offences.  But this is a genuine Olympic sport – not just because of the drugs – due to the faster/highest/strongest ethos.  Watch the men clean and jerk, then watch the women’s snatch.  And whilst that may be puerile beyond words, the event itself is tension filled and completely gripping viewing.  A compulsory watch.

Whilst the earlier rounds are 1:00am through to about 4:00am, the later sessions are great viewing here.  You can watch over breakfast, brunch and/or lunch (greedy bastard).

Gold Medals on offer:  15

NZ Participation:  Yes

Wrestling

Impossible to follow unless you’re some sort of wrestling aficionado – and we all know there’s very few of them around.  Unlike Judo (with the high know-it-all-tosser ratio), nobody can really be bothered with doing the same with the wrestling.  And if you thought Freestyle was weird and hard to follow, wait until you get into the Greco-Roman stuff.  At least it now has an Olympic tradition.

If you really feel the urge, the early rounds are on between 1:00am and 4:00am.  The medals are grappled for between 7:00am and 10:00am.  I may need someone to update me on that.

Gold Medals on offer:  18

NZ Participation:  No

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