The all-time Despicable Australia XI. Part I

People love a super-villain, and consistently, year after year, no sporting team has delivered on that front more than the Australian cricket team.  Picking an all-time Despicable Australian XI is more challenging than you might think.  There is such a range of irritation to compare and choose from.  So what about this XI then? The batsmen.

David Warner.  Current enfante terrible needs no introduction really.  From snotting Joe Root to telling a visiting Indian batsman to speak English, this guy is the personification of the brash and not overly intelligent Ocker.

Justin Langer.  This one might surprise you; Langer seemed like a reasonably normal guy, held Michael Clarke to account, and was nowhere near the bully that Matthew Hayden was.  Well, look at this.

Ian Chappell.  Chapelli is unusual in this lot in that he has turned into a decent, thoughtful bloke, and an astute commentator on the game.  But for a weekend in Christchurch in 1974 he spent the whole time casting racist aspersions on the future mayor of Dunedin while Glenn Turner ground out New Zealand’s first test victory against Australia.  Would that have happened without Chappell’s input?

Greg Chappell.  Possibly also involved in the incident above, but best remembered on the Eastern side of The Tasman for getting the other brother to bowl the ball underarm.  In the context of other behaviour in this XI that’s pretty low-grade offending, but it’s part of the national psyche so needs to be included.

Shane Watson  Oh yes; he of the highlights, the posturing celebrations, the find me a mirror antics, and the inability to prove his talent.  But, most of all, that DRS challenging stuff.  Nobody refuses to acknowledge he’s smashed it through to the keeper quite like Shane Watson.

Michael Clarke.  He may be Jan 2015 flavour of the month for his eulogy delivery skills, but let’s not forget he’s still Michael Clarke.