All Out

By Aiden McLaughlin

All Out is an appropriate title to not only describe Neil Wagner’s career, but also his autobiography, which is released today.

Throughout his career, he’s been known as a player who left it all out on the field.

Whether it was playing with the pain of fractured toes against Pakistan at Bay Oval in 2020, facing 103 balls for just seven runs against England at Hagley Oval in 2018, or more commonly, his willingness to bowl, bowl and bowl some more to help his side whatever the conditions, Wagner became a fan favourite, not just with New Zealand fans, but cricket supporters around the world.

A book wasn’t something he was initially keen to do, but things change, and the result is an honest account of his life and times, including the end of his international career earlier this year.

“To be honest I was against it; I kept saying no, I didn’t really want to do it, but I guess after international retirement and reflection and sitting down and having a couple of whiskeys one night with my wife, she sort of motivated me to write a book,” says Wagner.

From his childhood in South Africa, to his decision to move to New Zealand to pursue his cricketing dreams, the book visits the challenges and crossroads along the way.

 

[Mike Hesson] said he saw in me a bowler with the potential to play international cricket, provided I was prepared to work hard to improve – and that he wanted to help me do exactly that. These were words I had wanted to hear all my life and suddenly it felt as though my dream wasn’t an impossible one.

 

“To come over here, to take a punt was a huge step and a huge move and it was pretty scary at the time but I fell in love with the place, the people and I was welcomed with open arms and made me feel part of them.”

From start to finish, the book took just seven months to reach the shelves, but Wagner is first to admit that getting things down on paper is difficult.

“It’s extremely hard. It felt like counselling in a way. Even now that it’s out there, knowing everyone is going to know that about you, it’s tough at times, but that’s the nature of life and how things are and I committed to this to tell a story that can make an impact on someone’s life hopefully. If it’s one person’s life then I’ll be extremely grateful because I know what it’s like and I know from my experiences that a lot of people go through these things and I can encourage people to pick themselves up and hopefully go again.”

The end of Wagner’s international career is an area that readers will want to understand and it’s well covered.

 

I opened the door and walked into a meeting room, where I found Steady, Tim and manager Simo Insley. Shit, this must be serious. I sat down.

Steady spoke first. “There’s no easy way of telling you this mate. I’m really sorry, but we are not picking you for the Australia series. We think your international career is over and that you should retire.”

 

“A lot of people kept asking about it and you’ve got to deal with it, so I thought when it’s done and said it’s not an issue and there won’t be any more people trying to put their own perspective on things, because a lot of people did; a lot of people thought they knew and just said it like they thought it was, but that wasn’t the case.”

“It’s how brutal and tough sport can be and then to have to take it on the chin and sit with it and reflect and then make the decision to see what’s best for the team going forward and having to put the team first. That’s something I’ve always done but it got tricky the way things unfolded and you’ve got to respect people’s decisions.”

Away from the book, Wagner has been playing for Northern Districts and keeping an eye on his old international teammates. Like fans all around the world, he’s been watching on and is delighted with how things have gone recently.

“It’s been an amazing turnaround and an amazing month for New Zealand cricket to be honest. Obviously for the women to turn it around from where they’ve come from and then to win a T20 World Cup and then the same with the Blackcaps, to bounce back after a series loss to Sri Lanka to beat arguably the world’s best team in their own conditions, is an amazing feat and I can’t explain how hard it is,”

“It just shows the nature of Kiwi sport and New Zealanders to be able to bounce back and keep fighting and to find a way to do something special again. I’m extremely stoked for the lads, I don’t think people understand how hard it is to go over there and win and history speaks for itself and for them to do what they’ve done, that will be the pinnacle of a lot of those guy’s careers and something they’ll treasure for ever and it’s got to be New Zealand’s greatest ever series win.”

Wagner says his body is feeling good at the moment and pretty fresh, so he’s just enjoying his cricket and wanting to give back and enjoy what’s left in his career and make the most of a sport that he really loves and treasures. When the time does come to finish cricket, he’ll give everything to whatever life throws up next.

 

I don’t know what life has in store for me next. But as I set out to begin these unwritten chapters of life, I know that for my loved ones, for myself, for my team, I’ll be going all out.

 

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