The Everton Premier League Preview

There’s no fan like an Everton fan.  Paul Le Comte explains why, and then ponders his chances with his $10 placed on them winning the league at 250:1.

Everyone else has done it, so why not me too. How does one become an Everton fan all the way over this side of the world?  1973 my Uncle had just come back from his home town of Liverpool with 2 red (champion) shirts for my cousins and 2 blue (17th place) shirts for me and my brother, so we could play football against each other, on the street in ChCh, simple really.  Since that time as you all know I’ve had my ups and downs with that team. One of the highlights was as a first year student at Canty Uni the then champions Everton toured NZ & at a public meet and greet in ChCh I got my pic taken with some of my idols – not to mention dad won the 50c raffle of the official match ball signed by both ChCh Invitational and Everton FC (I still have that ball).

Fast forward to 2013/14 season, and that bloody defragmented TV viewing of the beautiful game.  Normally an honest Everton fan will first ask the question, will this year continue the proud record of the longest continual run in the top league out of any team in UK football (we were last relegated in 1951), Man Utd for instance had a wonderful year in the 2nd division along with Villa 1974.  The second question an honest Everton fan asks, is, will we finish ahead of the Red Shite?  The rest is purely academic.

Of course all the talk this off season has been about the departure of David Moyes with much coming out recently about how long he and the club knew about his position at ManUtd. Some supporters are calling for heads to roll in head office, as apparently Moyes was first approached while under contract, but negotiations dragged out so long, his contract expired and of course ManUtd picked up the 3rd best gaffer in the land for free.  Then there was talk of so called ‘Gentlemen’s agreements’ with ManUtd that no player would be poached unless first approached by other clubs.  The continual speculation by some of the finer tabloid newspapers in the land as to who David Moyes has in his splatter gun sights this hour, will Fellaini & Baines stay or go.  The best thing I can say about that is, if they go, they’re gonna go for top dollar, but by all accounts with the way contracts are, it looks like they’ll be here till at least the xmas transfer window, and with Fellaini’s buy-out cause now expired, he’ll have to go for market value instead of cut price, some good news for Everton.

As for the team itself, did I mention we have a brand new playing surface.  Oh yeah the team hmmm, I can tell you that the Everton Women’s promo photo shoot in the new away strip was bloody awesome to watch.  The team, oh yeah?  So, if we hold onto Fellaini and Baines, if Jalevic starts finding the back of the net again (like he has in pre-season) if the midfield can start dominating or a decent midfielder can be bought, actually not as many ifs as I thought, if these things happen, we’ll have a good season and my $10 on us to win the league at $250/1 is a good investment.

Win the season you say? How can this be. Well it’s logical really. RVP breaks a leg in the first week after they sell Rooney… Moyes is gone by Xmas. Chelski are shut down for money laundering. Arsene will be sacked at Arsenal for spending less on transfers than I do on long pants.  ManShitty will implode, they’ll spend 3/4 of the season actually fighting each other on the pitch.  Because we all know Suarez is going to go all Hannibal Lecter at the next team building exercise, he’s a gone (tastes of chicken) burger.  Of course it’s a given that Bale will be cooking paella sooner rather than later.  The rest of the clubs are worth talking about because…?

Back to the team.  It’s a well-known fact that Moyes has an uncanny ability to buy really really good strikers and then sap the will to live out of them. With Moyes gone and only several games into the pre-season it’s easy to see Jalevic expressing himself again.  Not sure about the purchase of Kone, Anichebe is by far the 2nd best striker in Liverpool city behind The Jalevic Road.

Keeper – Howard is insane, he’s always good for at least 1-2 own goals a season.

Baines Jagielka Distin Coleman – that’s as good a back 4 as any team, only the supremely stupid will question that (I’m not talking individuals, but as a back 4)

Mirallas & Barkely – two of the young midfielders of the year.  Of course they’ll have a stunning season and the gormless media will talk about them at ManUtd or Chelski ad nausea for no good reason.  But then add to that Oviedo, who has had a blinder of a pre-season, starting to come to grips with the EPL play.

Osman & Piennar.  Osman is a grafting stalwart at the club, who ultimately will be fighting with others in the team for his place in the starting line-up.  Someone, anyone, please buy Piennar.  There’s no doubt of his quality, but I don’t know about you, i really don’t want stroppy 13 year old girls running around in a first team shirt.  While we at it, can we throw in a Heitinga as a bonus, there’s only ever been one decent thug at our club & Ferguson is a bloody legend who’ll never be copied.

Naismith & Kone I don’t see the point of, but others do, and considering we have one of the smallest squads of the EPL  I guess we have to have someone around the place.  Moyes last year used the least amount of first team players out of the top 2 tiers of the English leagues.  MancUtd fans be prepared for 93rd min reactionary substitutions.

Fellaini, the great debate is where to play him.  Personally for me he’s a holding midfield just behind the strikers, other’s he’s essentially an attacking sweeper in front of the back 4.  He’s a petulant bugger who would look like the tanty throwing teenage girl in the team if that slot wasn’t already filled by Piennar.  There is no doubting his class, and perhaps he is better suited at another club, because we can’t afford to have him shine only 1/4 of the time.  Let’s see what the new gaffer can get out of him.

Personally I’m really looking forward to seeing the next new Everton Jr star, John Stones.  The 19 year old defender, already capped U20 level for England.  Signed from Barnsley for £3 he’s been talked about big time by the media and those who follow the game with their head rather than heart like me.  He’s a tall lad who likes pushing forward and isn’t made out of thin sticks even though he looks it.

Follow:

@EvertonTony – big man

@MikeLewis_ rock musician

@iantcurtis son of Swansea legend & top bloke

@delfrisco wrestling superstar gentleman from Wales

 

Podcast: Followtonian Podcast is brilliant collaboration between US & UK football fans, good banter.

 

Famous Fans: 

Ian Stubury (lead singer The Cult)

Dame Judy Dench

Sharon Corrrrrr (the sexy one)

Kenny Everett (the dead one)

Bill Bryson (writer)

Amanda Holden – whoar

Clare Sweeny – whoar

Sly Stallone

and the late great Leonard Rossiter

 

Books:  A great read is The School of Science, after all “If you know your history”…

Follow Paul on Twitter.

Also in this series; West Ham , Manchester City , Liverpool , Manchester United , Chelsea , Fulham , Newcastle , Arsenal and Spurs