Diary of a Womble

By Aiden McLaughlin

4th August 2018

The day has arrived, the one I’ve been looking forward to for months; Fleetwood Town away. Where’s Fleetwood again? Ah yes, Lancashire, that’s right. Some bloke called Joey Barton is in charge this year, I know that name from somewhere…

11 new signings in the summer and a 1-0 win away from home, love it! Joint top of the league, although some tables are saying we are 9th on goal difference; whatever – we’re on our way. 45 games to go.

28th August

One of the big boys came to town tonight and we showed them, 1-0 up after 2 mins against West Ham, come on! Unfortunately the ref then cheated us by sending Rod McDonald off after 18 mins and we lost 3-1, but we still showed them! I might delete that clever tweet I was going to send to Miles Davis though. Anyway, as I said to myself after their third went in, we’re concentrating on the league this year, the EFL Cup means nothing to us.

1st September

We played Burton Albion away today, and were well beaten (3-0). Playing teams managed by someone called Clough has always made me nervous. Why couldn’t ‘our Nigel’ have stayed at Derby, he was crap there. That’s 3 league defeats in a row now, and we’re down to 20th; bugger. 40 games to go.

20th October

I’ve never liked Blackpool. Went there once for a weekend away and ended up going to the cinema. Poor mans Las Vegas (and very poor at that). Lost 2-0. The boys can’t even console themselves with a decent night out. Now in the relegation zone, 32 games to go.

12th November

Neal Ardley’s been a legend for us on and off the pitch, but the boss had to go. He’s been in charge 6 years; I didn’t even have kids when he started (jeez, life was simple back then). Saved us from relegation in 2013 and got us promoted in 2016 (what a day that was) but all good things come to an end. 23rd on the table, 29 games to go, surely the only way is up (well, I suppose we could be 24th).

4th December

Where’s Wally? Back at Wimbledon, that’s where. Mr Downes returns to steady the ship and steer us to safety.

15th December

I was wrong. 24th (AKA bottom). And of all the bloody teams to do it, Charlton. I’m deleting that What’s App conversation before Nick, Mike, Fritz and Matt get stuck into me. I hate it when my mates have the edge, although at this rate I won’t be getting stick from them next season.

26th January

We’re on the telly, in New Zealand, wahoo!!!!! And we beat West Ham in the FA Cup! Where’s that tweet to Miles Davis I deleted? Shout out from The World Cup Baby on Radio Sport, ‘the biggest Wimbledon fan in New Zealand’ only blunted by Sportsfreak suggesting straightaway I might be ‘the only Wimbledon fan in New Zealand.’

9th February

‘Our Nigel’. Again. I hate Burton. Still bottom, 15 games to go.

16th February

Only one thing worse than losing to Charlton; losing to Millwall. Another What’s App conversation deleted, sorry Danny. No repeat of 1988 FA Cup glory, back to the league. Great.

16th March

That’s 5 wins in the last 7 matches AND WE ARE OFF THE BOTTOM!!! 1-0 win away to Southend means we are 22nd with 8 games to go. This could be a greater escape than Steve McQueen managed.

23rd April

Argggh – that’s 4 draws in a row; after such a great run of form it’s 8 points dropped rather than 4 gained. So close to getting out of the drop zone but can’t quite manage it – 21st, 2 games to go.

27th April

I LOVE YOU JOE PIGOTT!!! His 13th & 14th goals in the league get us over the line at home to Wycombe and we are up to 19th with one game left. Our destiny is back in our own hands. Away to Bradford next Saturday and they are already down. Let’s not join them lads. A point might be good enough but let’s get all three. COME ON YOU DONS!!!

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